One of the best interviews!! !

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6..

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to OUR COMPANY .. :-))
 

REALY GREAT... Read full

Don't miss even a single word…Every second is worth reading this post... Too good

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof : Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student : Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.

Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.

Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir..

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir..

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir.. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing.. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat.
But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In
reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?....

this is a true story, and the

student was none other than.........

 

 APJ Abdul Kalam,the former president of India.

Trust me.. You Had Some Laughs..!

1)
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi ..
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

2)
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

3)
Customer   :  Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter       :  Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

4)
Customer  :  Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter      :  Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer  :  No, I can't.
Waiter      :  Then does it really matter ?

5)
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well,"  began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

6)
Customer  :  Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter      :  Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers..

7)
Customer  :  Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter      :  That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

8)
Waiter      : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer  : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

9)
1st thief     :  Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief    :  But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief     :  Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
 
10)
Man  : How old is your father?
Boy  : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.

11)
Customer  :  Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter      :   Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

12)
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

14)
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

15)
Girl    :  Do you love me?
Boy   :  Yes Dear.
Girl    : Would you die for me?
Boy   :  No, mine is undying love.

16)
Wife           :  Do you want dinner?
Husband     :  Sure, what are my choices?
Wife           :  Yes and no.

17)
Customer      :   If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master   :  Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer      : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master   :  Why not?
Customer      :  It's addressed to Mumbai.


!!..Trust You Had   Some Laughs..!!

Some W a c k y Quotes

Some W a c k y Quotes
 
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you meet a beautiful girl .

- Uzair Sait

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand
wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Where is justice for Boys

 When a Girl Cries   ------------ The World "Consoles" her

But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"

 

 

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"

If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to  "Respect Ladies"

 

 

 

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"

If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"

 

 

 

 

If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"

If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"..

 

 

And the list never ends…….

 

 

 

What type of World is this, Bossssssssssssssssssss

Newton's laws of s/w Engg

First Law:
Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails until and unless he is assigned work by manager.

Second Law:
The rate of change in the software quality is directly proportional to the payment received from client and the deadline time, and it takes place at the quick rate as and when deadline force is applied.

Third Law:
Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Test for Dementia

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately. OK?
 

Let's find out just how clever you really are....
 

Ready? GO!!!(scroll down)



First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

Answer 1:If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, butdon'ttake as much time as you took for the first question,OK?
 
 
 
 
 Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 

Answer 2:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?


 

You're not very good at this, are you?

  
 
 
 
 
 
 

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your headonly. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


 

Take1000and add40to it. Now add another1000. Now add30. Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000. Now add10. What is the total?


 

Scroll down for answer.....



 

 

 

 





  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 

Did you get5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.


 

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!  Today is definitely not your day, is it?  Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe.


  
 
 
 
 
 
 

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Did you Answer   Nunu?   NO!   Of course it isn't.
Her name isMary.Read the question again!


  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
~~~~


 

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.

 

Chak de India!!

Chak de India!!

 

 

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.


A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......

Scroll down for answer...... ......... ....

...


...


...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...




A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!

 

Want to learn English???????

Jappier's Spoken English:

In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier, Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing Colleges, always speaks in English. Those college students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"   …. Enjoy ………..with his…………..English…………..

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great "Jappier's Spoken English"

# At the ground
   —————–
All of you stand in a straight circle. (Straight circle)
There is no wind in the balloon. (Balloon without air…fushhh)
The girl with the mirror please comes here… {Means: girl with specs please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:
  ———————
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:
      ———————–
You, rotate the ground four times…
You go and under-stand the tree…
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO …..(?)
# Sir at his best:
    —————
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them. So the next day at s school…

(to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
  ——————————————
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….

His speech about kargil widows:

"All brothers standing border..shooting dying..child asking mummy... 'mummy where is daddy'...daddy coming body..." saying this he wiped his tears. (All the students broke into laughter)

# First inauguration day sept 13 2000 :

"Girls girls jingle jingle, boys boys mingle mingle, girls boys no jingle mingle..." (Lots of applause to this, from girls & parents).

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences …

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no …. U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, Jappier the happy, tomorrow u marry I enjoy"

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "